A year of meditation every day.
Studying every weekend for two years to get sommelier certifications.
Five years of a morning circuit every day to better my health.
Writing 30 minutes a day is my recent addition.
The ability to show up repeatedly is an interesting habit.
I have been doing this since I was a kid.
There were the mandatory things, like going to school or visiting the grandparents.
I always had activities.
I wasn’t allowed to spend much time watching TV or playing video games. The outside was my place. Where I explored, hung out with friends and spent most of my time. Hitting the geographic lottery of growing up in Southern California made this possible. It felt like at least 300 days a year.
The reason that I went outside was to do what I wanted. Also, it was difficult to pick up another chore when you weren’t in shouting distance.
Then came sports. I started at ten.
Baseball, soccer, shortly followed by basketball and football. I always seemed to be playing something. Practice was a couple days a week plus a game.
Structure.
I enjoyed it, but it was a commitment. Practice wasn’t my favorite, but you had to practice to play the games.
I even played instruments.
Piano, guitar, clarinet, and saxophone. Always practicing or playing.
I enjoyed playing but decided to move on when they didn’t serve me anymore.
A major tenet of my upbringing was to finish what you started. I was supported in anything as long as I saw it through. I started getting better at things, especially sports. I did well in school.
I always made sure to take care of things so that I could do more of what I wanted.
It seemed simple, but I honestly didn’t want to be yelled at or have a conversation about what I didn’t do.
I wanted to be able to go outside and discover. Have my own time.
My life was predictable and had rhythm. It had structure and filled my time with commitments.
Choose One Commitment
Choose something.
This is where to start.
Know what you want to add to your life.
I made sleep my first deliberate commitment after deciding to change my health. After reading a bit on the subject, I decided to start by going to bed and waking up at the same time.
I didn’t wait until I researched the subject exhaustively.
I just started.
I wasn’t perfect, but I made the effort each day to be in bed and wake up at the same time.
These adjustments improved my sleep rhythm.
What is it you want to commit to? Why do you want to do it? What are you waiting for?
Define what it is.
Answer why it matters.
Start.
Block Your Escape Route
I don’t have any time. I’ll start it when the kids graduate. That’s a hobby for when I retire.
The excuses we make are self-sabotage.
Of course, our intent isn’t to blow up what we want, but sometimes even a simple pattern break turns us back into our old ways. It is imperative to think through our plan and how to navigate it when life happens.
We do this by deciding our X and Y.
If X happens, then I will do Y.1
When my bedtime is nearing, I start to get ready to sleep.
If I have an appointment during my normal writing time, I choose another slot that day.
Build Around Your Commitment
I realized quickly many things influenced the success of sleep consistency.
Screen time, light exposure, when I had dinner, alcohol, and a myriad of life distractions. I adjusted things after I learned to make this first goal consistent.
Build around your commitment to make it sustainable.
The first step is identifying what is making it difficult.
Removing distractions and making it manageable will serve and protect your goal.
Define what success looks like on difficult days.
If I wake up feeling tired, I go on a long walk instead of a heavy lifting day.
Pick one thing that gets in your way and change it.
Once that habit takes hold, eliminate any distractions or obstacles that are in the way of continued success.
Protect It
The first time you get another offer to do something, tell them you are available after.
“I’m available after 2:30.”
Scheduling around it and the mindset that your commitment is immovable is the best way to keep it.
On Saturdays when I started yoga, I would simply tell others I couldn’t do breakfast but could do brunch after.
Well, what if you have an appointment or are traveling? Starting school? Move it.
You should have a default and move it to that without any anxiety.
This is a tricky game, so don’t play it often.
Keep this to an exception rather than a rule.
If you are constantly rescheduling, make sure you find a spot that is more workable and easier for you to keep.
My sister has three kids and starts her day before they get up to keep hers.
Make it important. Hold the spot. Tell them why.
Set an Immediate Return
You won’t be perfect. That’s not a life anyone wants to live.
You do want to be as consistent as you can.
If you miss a session, return at the next possible opportunity. If you work out Monday/Wednesday/Friday and miss Wednesday, make sure you return Friday.
It’s critical to keep momentum and habit.
There is power in consistency.
In my experience, missing more than one session starts to become the beginning of the end.
It can fall apart quickly, and returning becomes much harder. Make a missed session an anomaly, not an excuse you return to.2
You either do something or you don’t.
Review whether the commitment is happening and whether it’s helping. You shouldn’t consider getting rid of it until you have given a consistent effort. There can be time later to distinguish whether what you are doing is useful or something that no longer serves you.
It is good to be honest with yourself. Don’t lie to yourself to get out of something that truly benefits you.
A simple list to ask yourself each week:
Did I do it?
What helped or interfered?
What needs adjusting?
After a few weeks/months:
Is it producing/starting to produce results?
Reminder: “Starting to” is the right lens, because you won’t have the perfect body or a degree by then.
A 12-Minute Plan for Becoming More Consistent
Make a contract with yourself.
2 minutes: Choose the commitment and write why it matters.
Get a piece of paper and write it out. What it is and why you are committing.
2 minutes: Choose its time or cue.
Find the slot to schedule your new commitment. Make sure you think through the placement so that it gets the best chance to happen.
4 minutes: Identify three likely obstacles and write an X/Y response for each.
Here are a few examples:
If an appointment conflicts with writing, I will write after lunch.
If I feel too tired for my usual workout, I will take a long walk.
If I miss Wednesday’s session, I will return Friday.
There may be more to add later. Start with three.
2 minutes: Define a difficult-day version and your return plan.
Map out the exception with a backup plan to still show up. Like the long walk instead of the weights in the example earlier.
2 minutes: Choose one supporting adjustment and schedule a review.
Choose one thing to prepare or remove that will help you follow through. Set a date to review how it’s going.
12 minutes.
You may need to go back to this. Just take 12 minutes on the first pass. Go with your gut instinct. Be honest with yourself.
You know what gets in the way and what has stopped you before.
Sign it.
Put it on the fridge or in your office.
Wherever you will see it most.
Make It Your Superpower
Focus on one change to put into practice before adding anything else.
Don’t undermine yourself by doing too much.
Find a way to make it fun. Remind your future self why you are doing this.
Look at your contract every day.
Consistency creates freedom. It creates success.
Defend the time on your calendar.
Tell people about it. Let them know when you do it. People may even schedule around it because they know it’s so important.
When that happens, you know you are getting closer.
My wife knows how important the morning circuit is for me, and not only supports it, but encourages it.
I still meditate as a part of it. I’ve added writing. I still study, but now it’s Portuguese.
I schedule social plans around lunch or dinner because I’ve protected my mornings for those commitments.
CONSISTENCY IS MY SUPERPOWER
What is the one commitment you want to protect, and what usually gets in the way?
Live well,
Nathan
Educational only, not medical advice. Consult your physician before changing your health, diet, or exercise routine.
SOURCES
Gollwitzer & Sheeran (2006). Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-Analysis of Effects and Processes. A meta-analysis of 94 independent tests found that specific if–then plans improved goal attainment. Participant sex composition across the included studies: not verified for this piece. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38002-1
Lally et al. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. 96 participants (30 men, 66 women). Repeating a behavior in a consistent context helped develop automaticity. A single missed opportunity did not materially disrupt habit formation. It does not establish a two-miss cutoff. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674